Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
