i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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