bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
