I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
