Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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