Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
