You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
