My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
