I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize