I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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