checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think my moral compass just broke
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
