I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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