So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There's always time for handjobs
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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