some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
