I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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