hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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