Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
God I need to hump something, right now.
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