Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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