No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
