We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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