I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
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He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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