the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
