She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
