Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
