One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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