I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
