between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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