If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
