Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
