She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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