So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize