if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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