i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
