when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize