Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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