Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
