You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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