just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
