i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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