somebody snuck up and got me drunk
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
