is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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