My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
