I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
