Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
