I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We talked him into tasing himself.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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