We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My penis needs a shock collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sext me about skeletons
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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