i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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