Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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