If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Sober January is a disaster.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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