Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
