Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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