It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't deserve a penis
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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