I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
