I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
