stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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