That's when you crack a 10am beer
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
