I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
