He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Found the puke drawer
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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