The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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