if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
