Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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