I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
