He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
