Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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