If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
