i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
