I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
