the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
