I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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