we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
