I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
