I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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