What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
