I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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