I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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