Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
