Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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