that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
