ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
